Photo Challenge: Friendship

Week after week, I get the i heart faces photo challenge in my inbox. Usually I think, "maybe next time," but this time I decided to go for it.

So here is my friendship submission. This is Hana and her best friend, Waffle, then foster kitty - now forever kitty.

My Top 5 Photos from January - March

I found this blog recently, which I love, and through that one, I found this one, and this one. And I found this cool contest. Here is the actual blog post to add your link to. And I'm always up for winning stuff, and what a fun way to show off my adorable kids, right? Right! :)

One of the first nicer spring days. It doesn't look particularly nice out, but we were out in short sleeves. A much needed warm day after lots of snow. I love Hana's expression while she swings!


This wasn't much of a snowball fight since the snow wouldn't pack. And it was too deep for good sledding. Jonah made the best of it by throwing snow at me!


I love this one of Hana and Jonah. They are best friends when they aren't trying to kill eachother. Anybody else know the feeling?


I love, love, love this one of my hubby snuggling Lucas! He looks completely content while he hugs our little guy!


This is Lucas. We call him The Evil Genius. Doesn't he just look ornery and completely adorable?


I'm linking up to post my quarterly top 5 photos. It was hard to narrow it down to five because I have had lots to choose from lately and a love a bunch. I thought this was a fun way to show off my photography, it is most definitely a work in progress, and to help me improve. Join me!

Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder what on earth goes on at my house while I'm at work. Any thoughts?!? See the evidence below...

What am I doing with my life?

I've asked myself this question a million times. Almost everyday, I think! I'm raising three wonderful, beautiful kids, and I'm so blessed with them. And I'm married to an amazing man. I mean, AMAZING! If I could have hand picked the qualities I wanted in a husband and a father for my kids, I would have created Jarot! He literally gives me goose bumps when I watch him with our kids. He is incredible!

But sometimes I wonder what is in store for me. What am I supposed to be doing? I feel like I'm good at lots of little things, but I'm not great at anything. Hmmm...I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. It is bad when you are 28, and you haven't figured out what you want to be when you grow up! :) I don't feel like a grown up yet. That seems weird because I have three kids. I always assume people I know through work and stuff are older than me. But more and more, I realize I'm older! Bleh! They have direction in life. I don't have direction. I love playing all day. Playing with my kids. Reading books. Reading books to them.

I've decided that I'm going back to school. I've wanted to for a long time. We are doing it now. We are selling our house. We are moving where the in-laws live. They said they'd watch the kids while Jarot goes to school and I work. Topeka isn't my first choices of places to live, but family is there. We haven't had any lookers at our house. No interest at all! Bit of a bummer. I'm not worrying about it yet, but it is a little disappointing. We've put a lot of work into this house. It is cute, and it is all done for somebody who wants to move in without having to put any work into it! And I'm going to school once it sells, well, once it sells, we move, and Jarot finishes school. So it will be a few years, but we will be moving forward. I'd like to major in social work, but sometimes I worry. I want to work in the adoption field. I don't think I could do another line of social work. I couldn't be one of those social workers who investigate abuse or neglect. I think it would be too much for me; I think I'd bring that home with me. Sometimes I think I'll major in graphic design or photography. I have interest in all of those things. Sometimes I think I'll do that and just adopt.

Adoption...hmmm! That's really been on my mind lately. Like, really, really! I've been driving Jarot mad I think! I'm obsessed with the idea. I'm not sure how or when it all started, but it did. I've always known that I wanted to adopt. Once we move and get settled, Jarot said we can sit down and have a serious talk about it. I think people think we are crazy, but there are something like 167 million orphans in this world. That is INSANITY! It blows my mind. Don't tell Jarot, but I can picture us as one of those nutty, loud, crazy families with 7 or 8 children. But don't tell him I said that!

This blog post is all over the place, but that is how I've kinda been lately. How I always am I guess! :) That is just what has been on my mind. If you read this far, thanks for sticking with me. Night!

Quit Faking It!

So I found this on my new favorite blog, http://www.storinguptreasures.com/, and I wanted to come clean and quit faking it.

So here are my confessions about how I've been faking it...

1. My kids drive me crazy. I love them, but I sometimes feel like I'm literally losing my mind. I have three kids, and I want more. I would love to have lots more, but some days I wonder what the heck I'm thinking. I have a hard time managing three more why would I add more chaos? I want to adopt. I know I'm going to adopt, and more and more it is on my heart. But I really have a hard time thinking about it coming to fruition when it seems like I can't take my kids anywhere in public because I end up wanting to pull my hair out. I love them all the time, but I don't like them all the time. I know, I know, that sounds horrible, but I'm trying to be honest here, okay? They can really be annoying sometimes, with the whining and the crying. I get frustrated. Sometimes when they don't listen, I just flat out don't like them at that point. Is this just me, or does anybody else feel this way. For a long time, I've felt guilty about that, but it isn't just me. I just wish sometimes we were more honest about things. Honest about being a mom. It is hard some days. It is hard a lot of days. And some days I want to call in sick. But that is the thing, I can't! Some days, I phone it in. I know that sounds awful, but those days we watch too much TV and stay in our pajamas all day. And saying this feels liberating, it is nice. When I have trying days, nap time can't come soon enough and neither can bedtime. But it seems that no matter what kind of day I've had, when I check on the kids after they fall asleep, they look like little angels, and I do appreciate how truly blessed I am. Truly!

2. I've been faking like everything is okay. I have been suffering from depression for a while now, and it got bad enough that I went to see the doctor about it. It is like my dirty little secret that I never tell anybody about. My husband knows, that is it. I can't tell anybody else because I feel like they will judge me. I wouldn't judge anybody for something like that, but it is hard for me to believe that I won't be judged for it. I'm posting this as a sort of coming out. And recently, I've stopped taking my medication. I HATE how it makes me feel. I always feel exhausted, and I look it too. I couldn't make it through the day without needing a nap! I felt like I was going to fall asleep while I was driving. I just couldn't do it anymore. I literally felt like I was neglecting my kids and putting them in danger while taking the medicine. So I've been praying, and praying. I need something else, Someone, to help me overcome this, which leads me to my next confession.

3. I don't know how to pray. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I believe in God. I believe in a higher power. I have no doubt in my mind that God exists. But I pray, and I don't hear anything back. Am I not listening? What am I doing wrong? I need some direction. I'll often have a lucky break, and I know that it is God smiling down on me. Recently, when we were really short of money to pay our bills, the library called. They were sending me a refund check for $80! They had previously charged us money for books that they said we had lost. Knowing that I'm a bit scatterbrained, I didn't think anything of it, and I paid the fines. The library found the books on the shelves several (5+) months later. I had returned them, and they would be issuing me a check refunding us the money. It couldn't have come at a better time. But otherwise, I don't know what I'm missing, what I'm doing wrong...

4. I'm scared of dying. Really scared! It seems silly, but here is why. As I mentioned before, I am a Christian, I believe in God, I recently started reading my bible, but I'm still scared. Here's why. I believe that before we are born we are souls waiting in heaven to be born into our families. And if that is the case, why don't I remember it? The thing that really scares me about dying is that I wonder if I'll remember my family, my friends, or my time on earth. That is what bothers me. If I don't remember being there before, will I be able to remember being here. It isn't something I can stop from happening if I wanted to, so it probably isn't worth the time worrying about it anyway. Is that weird?

5. I'm not as nice as I used to me. I've worked at my job for over three years, and I really enjoy it. Unfortunately, at my job, I've seen a lot of bad things. It has made me think less of people. It makes me wonder if there are still good people out there. I know there are, don't get me wrong, but I wonder where they are sometimes. I think I've fallen short because I let that get to me too much. I've judged people for their actions, and sometimes, I don't like who I've become. I want so badly to believe that people are inherently good, but sometimes it is hard.

6. I'm messy and disorganized. And I can't keep up with cleaning my house. You'd probably be shocked and grossed out by my house on most days. Toys are spread everywhere, laundry is in piles, and paperwork is taking over our office. I hate laundry. I don't mind doing laundry, but I HATE folding it. That is probably why we always have piles of laundry waiting to be folded. It is such a pain in the butt. Can somebody come over and fold my clothes for me? I only have three kids, but the laundry is never ending.

7. I like junk food. I shouldn't, but it tastes so good. I need to lose weight. A lot of weight, around 80 pounds would be good. I have trouble getting motivated, and I most definitely have trouble finding time to do anything about it. I need to. For my sake, for my kids' sakes. I'll start tomorrow. That is something I keep telling myself. I need to keep that promise!

I think that is it for now. Do you have anything you need to get off your chest?

Things my kids say...

My kids are super funny. I love them. They are creative, inspiring, loving, affectionate, and they are so funny. They make me laugh a loud belly laugh several times daily.

Here are just a few funny things I've heard them say recently:
Jonah: "The interstate means you can eat as many cookies as you want!" Not sure about that one. Don't ask, I don't know.

A few weeks ago, as Jarot was bringing Jonah out of the funeral home after his (Jarot's) grandpa's funeral, Jonah turned to Jarot and said, "That was fun!!!" LOL!

Hana and I were talking about wishes. She told me that her teacher told her, "That you don't need to wish. You need to make a decision, and then you do it." I gues that isn't really that funny, but it was neat to see her talking so grown up sounding. I can't believe my baby is going to be 6 at the end of the month. :(

Crazy things my kids do

I've learned that I have to let go and just embrace the crazy things my kids do. If I let all the little things bother me, I'd go insane. Lucas inspired the name of this blog. I was cooking while they were crafting, and I turned around to discover teeh marks on the glue stick and a wad of purple, Elmer's glue stick in his mouth. Then he decided he didn't like the taste of it and spit it out all over the table. Sometimes I just have to laugh or else I'll cry!

And as I write this, I hear them dumping all the crayons (all 800 or so of them) out on the living room floor!